Talib Murad Elam
South Wales- 20.10.2013
There was a Kurdish family
of a husband, wife and three young children under the age of 5 years, on the
last flight I took from Erbil to London. I witnessed the mother struggling to
keep up with her husband who strode ahead while leaving her to cope with her
children and the extra baggage she was left to carry through the airports in
both Erbil and Vienna. Her husband did not help her at all but on landing in
Heathrow he became a different man helping her with the cabin luggage and
walking behind his family, lavishing kisses on the child he now carried. A UK
passport was clutched in his hand as he played the role of loving father and
husband and it revealed that he had a long connection with the UK. I could not
help but imagine how he would revert to his other self once safely in his
London home and that his wife would again receive no help from him.
My wife assures me
that this type of behavior can be exhibited by native British men too and it is
the result of women subjugating themselves to the will of the man. If women
want the right to vote, take prominent positions in parliament, government,
education and industry they must not only fight for their rights but stand up
against those who from time immemorial saw this as the right of men only and
that a women’s place was in the home looking after children. Naturally there
are some disciplines where most women will not be physically capable of the
work involved and in making a career for themselves women must accept that they
are declaring themselves the equal of men, capable of withstanding all the
pressures of the job while earning a living. At the same time their male
colleagues must refrain from any form of sexual bias towards them and treat
them as equals.
It takes a long time
for members of both sexes to recognize this and to ignore the natural
differences between men and women. The major problem that must be overcome is
that individuals recognize their limitations, and those of others, and do not
resort to manipulating sexual differences for his/her benefit. In endeavoring
to do this it is necessary to ignore the socially accepted limitations for the
sexes to a great extent. This is perhaps the most difficult for a woman to
overcome but if she wants to take the place of a man, in work, government,
public office etc., then she must dress suitably for the work entailed and not
utilize modes of dress or behavior, that give out a feminine signal to male
colleagues. Likewise men cannot endeavor to subjugate female employees or
colleagues in any manner that is deemed to have a sexual origin and in
developed countries there are employment laws that protect both sexes against
this form of behavior. Cases do occur in the west where a man is discriminated
against and harassed by women in the workplace.
In any society there
will be men who, like many before them, believe that they are superior to women
yet in our part of the world this idea remains firmly entrenched in the
majority as a result of poor education and misunderstandings that can sadly be
reinforced by the preaching of some mullahs. The relations between men and
women can feature in the Friday sermons in mosques and the already dominant
role of the male members of the family is reinforced by the reiteration of
beliefs passed down from one generation to another with no allowance for the
passage of time and the changing world we live in. Are there are not enough
problems in the world today without emphasizing the need for women, and even
small children, to cover their hair and faces? Western people would reverse
this teaching saying that it is a sad state when women must take such steps to
protect themselves from the unbridled urges of men!
The worst
continuation of the domination of women, I believe, is maintaining the right
for a man to divorce the woman he took in partnership for life by simply saying
“I divorce you” three times! Now, thanks to modern technology, this simple
procedure of getting rid of your wife, and family, can be conducted by sending her
three short sentences by e-mail! There are some aspects of the modern world
that we have readily embraced.
I recollect a true
story that I heard some forty years ago in Libya, it concerned a Libyan who travelled
alone to Alexandria to enjoy himself in a night club there. One night following
a few drinks he headed to the stage to dance with the club’s belly dancer who refused
him. In front of the entire audience this man then swore that if the woman did
not dance with him he would divorce his wife who, with her children, was asleep
in their home a thousand miles away. In his inebriated state he revealed his
low regard for the mother of his children.
There are many in
our society who, when talking about women’s rights, say “What? They are our
mothers, sisters, daughters and wives, of course we are equal.” It reminds me
of reading the classic book Animal Farm by George Orwell wherein the pigs take
over the farm and then put up a banner. On the banner was written “We are all equal”
but a few weeks later the banner was changed to “We are all equal but some are
equal more than others”.
This stubbornness of
some of the males in our society was demonstrated in an old Arab proverb that
says “they wanted to straighten the tail of a dog, so they put it in a bamboo
for 40 days but when the bamboo was removed the tail curved again”.
